Where are all the good superheroine role models gone? Xena is a lone beacon in a sea of wimps. They fucked up the film of Tank Girl and Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman (lovely though you are, Michelle) was sorry-assed casting. Remember Eartha Kitt in the TV series? Now THAT was Catwoman. Eat your vinyl costume in shame, Michelle, you blonde Valley Girl white-bread excuse for a catwoman, you.

I had forgotten all about the joys of WonderWoman till I went to a rather crappy exhibition at the Whitney last year, The Last Century In Modern Art or something like that, and there in the video section was a looped video* of none other than Lynda Carter in the bustier and boots, gold sculpted WonderWoman headpiece-doubling-as-boomerang in her glossy black locks, catching bullets on her special WonderWoman cuffs. She was so fab! Superman has to go into a phone booth to change but all WonderWoman has to do is spin around faster than the speed of light and hey presto, on come the boots and the big cinched belt and those glossy knickers. WonderWoman was always cool. I don't ever remember her panicking. She had a cute male sidekick she was good about protecting and she had a great figure without being too skinny - when she kicked someone she looked like she was putting some force behind it. Lynda Carter was very pretty, but she had a nice set to her jaw, too; it wasn't too bimbo a prettiness, there was some substance there.

They're remaking every single damned cartoon as an action film nowadays. Let alone Batman and Tim Burton's probably-doomed attempt to resurrect Superman as Nicolas Cage (um, Tim, I don't think that's going to work, OK? Not unless you're planning to make Superman a manic, acid-crazed speed freak), we're gearing up for the Fantastic Four and the X-Men and for all I know a feature-length Bugs Bunny film with the name part played by Harvey Keitel (that's the Tim Burton version). And still no WonderWoman. Forget suggesting a big-budget film to Hollywood which has a chick starring in it who doesn't go mad and/or play a prostitute. Maybe someone should write a script featuring a mad hooker superheroine. (Actually, that's not a bad idea.)

Of course, these may just be my childhood memories. WonderWoman may not been half as cool as I thought her at the time. So I say, damnit, start those old repeats coming on weekday afternoons! Set Lynda Carter spinning round in a dizzy blur and catching those bullets on her arm cuffs one more time! And if they won't remake WonderWoman as an action film then give us a big-budget Xena one instead. Preferably one where she finally shags Gabrielle. And Ares.

Hmmn, now I think about it, Ares'd make a nice Man of the Month...

* (The fact that you can loop some WonderWoman action sequences into a ten-minute tape, call it art, and get the Whitney to buy it for a lot of money is something I will probably be ranting about in the dungeon fairly shortly.)