Hard•boiled: — Another traditional sub-genre, originally found in the "pulp" detective magazines but reaching literary excellence in the works of Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammett. Features a lone-wolf private detective, cynical yet quixotic; the mean streets of the inner city; characters from both the professional criminal class and the criminally rich; and plenty of violent action and disassociated sex. (definition found at Cluelass.com)

Hard•boiled:— The opposite of cozy (definition found at the always- insightful Amazon.com)

We stand on the dawn of a new millennium.... Sorry, I've always wanted to type that. I have but a few small goals for the beginning of this new age. One, and not the least important, is getting the names of some of Mystery Fiction's kick-butt and contemporary female protagonists/authors out there to the reading populace.

Why? If I were a man I'd say that the tunnel vision of certain mystery experts really yanks my chain. Since I am female, I'll say it makes my cooter twitch.

Stuck forever — with a few notable exceptions — at "mid list" or below, certain female authors seem to miss their just rewards rather frequently. As a result, readers are missing out on some of today's most unique crime fiction because of an apathy that shouldn't be present. Even authors whose talents are acknowledged are often asked to come up with new protagonists that might be more salable. Arrrgh. But enough. That's my vent. Onward to praising hardboiled dames....

What Makes a Dame Hardboiled?
If you accept the Cluelass definition of hardboiled verbatim, not too many dames qualify. But then, given the same criteria, you can't even include Cain. One does not pound the mean streets of L.A. unless his name is Socrates. Also, and alas, disassociated sex is not really a possibility for most femmes. If we tried this, we would be left holding the bassinet. This does not, however, mean we can't enjoy a little action. Safety Girls could rule the world. Ask Carlotta or Sam or Lupe. (Besides, in the spirit of fair play, I suspect that even most of the hard-boiled boys carry Trojans today.)

There's also a problem with the "lone wolf private detective" part of this definition when it comes to women. Here's the argument: women are always lone wolves in professional situations. They don't need to be private detectives to be lone wolves. The glass ceiling/good ole boy network is still there for the female insurance investigators, investigative reporters, police officers and welfare workers to pound against.

With those quibbles aside, whose eggs are more than three minutes??

For argument's sake, we'll start with just the PIs — and only the PIs — who live in metropolis environs, alphabetically by author:

Carlotta Carlyle — Linda Barnes: Carlotta looks like any breathing man's wet dream, plain and simple. But be careful if you treat her that way. It may cause nightmares. An ex-police officer and private investigator who sometimes pays the bills by driving a taxi, Carlotta never misses her volleyball games and always gets the bad guy in the end. Carlotta knows Boston and knows herself. She will, however, never understand Roz; slut buster extrodinaire. This is an exceptional series.

Rachel Alexander — Carol Lea Benjamin: Many subgenre readers have passed on this series because they are thrown by the "Dog Trainer" description of Rachel who, with her faithful companion, Dash the pitbull, has solved some decidedly Upper East Side NYC crimes. Get beyond the doggie aspect and treat yourself.

Anna Lee & Eva Wylie — Liza Cody: One author, two extremely worthwhile series. Anna Lee is the kind of totally competent, always put together, femme one tends to make catty remarks about. In fact, Eva Wylie ex-wrestler will do it for you. Both know their little corner of England extremely well and, through hard work (Anna) and happenstance (Eva), manage to come out ahead at the end of the case.

Zen Moses — Elizabeth Cosin: They don't come any tougher than L.A.'s Zen Moses, a cigar-smoking PI and jock who has lost a lung to cancer but doesn't let it slow her down. Stylish writing that clearly reflects Cosin's love of the classic hardboiled genre plus her wry take on California add a lot to this new series.

Jeri Howard — Janet Dawson: Dawson's series featuring P.I. Jeri Howard is, in one reader's humble opinion, perhaps the single most underrated series of them all. Jeri fits the traditional description of hard-boiled to a T. Divorced and outstanding in her investigative skills, Howard has taken readers along for the ride in cases exploring every kind of issue and crime without a lot of justly deserved acclaim for author Dawson. Each outing has been terrific but DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON THE OCEAN and A CREDIBLE THREAT are two titles every fan of mystery should read.

Saz Martin — Stella Duffy: One of the original core group of Tarts, Duffy is getting rave reviews for her series. Saz is way out there on the hard-boiled. London never had so much egg on its face.

Hannah Wolfe — Susan Dunant: Three titles in a decade and London sleuth Hannah Wolfe has managed to find a place on this list. Why? Because her cases are 10 minute eggs served up with dry wit and a cynicism that will always be remembered.

Fran Kirk — Ruthe Furie's [thus far] short-lived series: With three titles If Looks Could Kill, A Natural Death & A Deadly Pate this series has what it takes to be called hard-boiled by any definition.

Lupe Salano — Carolina Garcia Aguelira: Aguelira's series featuring Cuban-American Detective Lupe Salano has been a critic's darling since the beginning. This decidedly upper class sleuth is at this point still taking no prisoners and sexy? With a capital S. E. X. and Y. Lupe has it going on.

Kinsey Milhone — Sue Grafton: Kinsey and Grafton are so traditionally hard-boiled the pan needs to be thrown out. As evasive personally as a stray cat Milhone tells a traditional whodunnit with a sharp edge and sense of place and time matched by few others. Gimmicks and acclaim aside Grafton touched a vein with readers and has opened the door for a bevy of female authors with an always entertaining series. Sometimes even bestsellers are worthwhile.

Fran Varaday — Ann Granger: Aspiring actress Fran Varaday rather fell into her second career as a P.I. and glad we are she's taken this tumble. Granger's newest crime solver is a keeper.

Catherine Sayler — Linda Grant: There's been argument that Muller's McCone and Grant's Sayler are interchangeable. There are similarities. However, would one say Caunitz should have never written a book because McBain already had? Or that Randisi's Keough was unnecessary? Nope. Catherine Sayler is a competent and successful PI who specializes in techno-crime. She has a complicated personal life and has been the victim of crime. Grant's series is highly entertaining and a valuable addition to the hard-boiled femme. P.S.: Sayler does not fly a plane.

Kat Colorado — Karen Kijewski: This is a great series. The author and her detective have grown tremendously since their first adventure together. Anyone who can join serial killers and fidelity together to create an outstanding read deserves to a wide audience. Another great Kat plot involved Mormons and Meth labs. Kijewski has perhaps allowed us too close to her heroine for the detective to be truly hard-boiled anymore. We've grieved and celebrated with her a bit too much at this point. The cases themselves remain very hard-boiled, and the detective enough so I'd say that this is a seven minute egg.

Elizabeth Chase — Martha C. Lawrence: Elizabeth Chase sees things. Sometimes she knows what's going to happen before it actually does. Unfortunately, sometimes she doesn't. Her crime solving has been completed with more or less traditional means. Flashes don't tend to come when they'll be helpful. Astrology and crime sent up with a healthy dose of self-deprecation and wit this series remains very hard-boiled and Chase a heroine readers want to know better.

Angela Matelli — Wendi Lee: Angela Matelli is an ex marine. Yep you read that right. She's also a tarty Italian gal working the streets of Boston. This series shows promise. Lots of promise.

Tess Monaghan — Laura Lippman: Lippman's Tess has put Baltimore on the mystery map. With an understanding of Charm City only a native could possibly possess, the decidedly feminine Tess has managed to bridge every mystery subgenre to create a series that refuses definition. Eight minute egg easy and yet...

Kate Brannigan — Val McDermid: If Brannigan were a police officer, this series could be called a police procedural. Often several different cases come together at the end to create a singular ending. Brannigan's detection skills are matched by few. The cases she is involved in have the roots in a large variety of issues and social elements. The books are spiced up with wit, the players, the locale and violence. You are hereby dared to read just one.

Savannah Reid — G.A. McKevett: A stretch to hard-boiled? Perhaps. This series definitely isn't for everyone. It is, however, very well done. Transplanted Georgia Peach Savannah uses her southern twang to solve Southern Cal crimes. McKevett deserves kudos for her attempt to merge two decidedly different subgenres to create something new and, for now, unique.

Sharon McCone — Marcia Muller: Remember Edwin?? I do. Wow!! If there's one series that can measure the changes in Femme Fatale, this is it. Muller gets better and better and while the earlier books were certainly entertaining as the McCone series progresses so does the depth of this heroine and Muller's skills as a crafter of mystery. BOTH ENDS OF THE NIGHT and WHILE OTHER PEOPLE SLEEP are two of the 90's most hard-boiled mysteries.

Casey Jones — Katy Munger: Our gal Casey knows how to work those legs. We're just getting to know this female Goodwin. Munger is being pretty darn stingy showing us the facets of this Southern Belle. More of a detective series than a hard-boiled detective series at this point, you just know reading this series that more is going to come with each and every tome. This summer's BAD TO THE BONE is rumored to be the most hard-boiled to date.

Delilah West — Maxine O'Callaghan: O'Callaghan has been writing mysteries since I was doing those "What I did on my Summer Vacation" essays. Even a little longer.The Delilah West series is an odd mixture of the absurd and the hard-boiled. A wonderful place for readers of cozy to start to expand their horizons written by a gifted author.

V.I.Warshawski — Sara Paretsky: Say what you will about V.I.'s abrasiveness, her unwillingness to suffer those she considers fools and her tendency to wham the reader over the head with her personal philosophy, you cannot deny she's hard-boiled. V.I.'s Chicago description is rather like taking a magic carpet ride through the Windy City. The cases she's involved in are always dangerous and the lady is not afraid to use any weapon handy to get out of any given situation.

Mickey Knight — J. M. Redmann: Redmann's series breaths New Orleans like a darker Rice novel. If Mickey Knight isn't a hard-boiled femme, then there is no such animal. Capturing the grimmest and the best parts of New Orleans in this series J.M. Redmann a.k.a. Jean has brought to the page a protagonist one hopes lives on forever.

Lydia Chin — S.J. Rozan: Rozan is fortunate in that she is indeed accepted by the boys as hard-boiled. That would be to Bill Smith's credit, as this wonderful NYC series features two protagonists: Lydia Chin, female detective with interfering family, and Bill Smith, white man with a past. The two protagonists take turns narrating tales in this compilation of cases that is as dynamic a series as one can find anywhere in our favorite genre. Ten minute egg easy.

Lauren Laurano — Sandra Scoppettone: This series has been put to bed by the author. While alive, it breathed a life of its own. Lauren captured her own little corner of NYC. The lady made her own rules and often was forced to deal with issues far beyond but never exclusive of hard-boiled.

Meg Gillis — C.J. Songer: Meg knocks my socks off. Songer has a truly original style of prose. She also isn't afraid to wear her protagonist on her sleeve. Meg has lived on the hard-boiled side of life and continues to do so. Never justifying, but always willing to share the bad behavior of the past with her reader, certain scenes in this new series define today's hard-boiled femme perhaps better than any other series with the rawness of their presentation. Meg "confessing" to the circumstances around hubby's demise in BAIT and the convergence of two faces to her character as she dresses for assignment in HOOK lay the heroine exposed and leave the reader feeling more than a little jaded. This is a very fresh series on many levels.

Laura Principal — Michelle Spring: Running a small detective agency in London can be challenging. Spring's Principal is to date up to the challenge. This newer and not-much-talked-about series is vastly entertaining.

And Many More...
Have I lost you yet, mates? More than likely. There are, however, many more wonderful hardboiled and softboiled femmes out there, including those written by Matera, D'Amato, Burke and Henderson. Let's not forget Reichs or Hoag, Serenella and Hayter either. From Florida, we have Parker and Hendricks, while representing the midwest are Holtzer and Sandra West Prowell. Even some hardboiled women written by men!! (Good work, Gash and Wishnia!)

You pick a scab and it starts to bleed. Chances are, if you find anything on the above list you enjoy, you'll continue to read your way through the rich and growing world of hardboiled women.

Ruth Flannery spent her teenage years traveling the country in a Volkswagen Bus and drinking Rolling Rock in church basements. After an undistinguished college intermission, she spent a decade hanging with rock stars and sports figures. She calls these the Miami Vice years and refuses to name names or make excuses for her bad behavior.

Called home by the lady in the lake, she now lives on a bluff overlooking a large body of water. As the fog horn blows in the background and the power plant releases its EPA-approved fumes, she reads mysteries and contemplates the meaning of life. No answers yet... but she does wonder where all the bees have gone. The well-tended home and garden, full-time job, athletic training, two cats and weekly rounds of golf? A cover. She still drinks tequila without the accessories, smokes the occasional cigar and lusts after hard bodies. Someday she may decide to become a grown-up, but those close to her are losing hope.