From Katy Roiphe using the ruse of "reporting others" to denigrate Hillary Clinton in The Guardian, to Camille Paglia denying women's creativity in favour of gay men's; from the women who declare themselves "men's women" -- unhappy with other women's perceived "bitchiness" (and what of the women who call each other bitchy??) to the Big Brother girls playing each other off for the boys in a terrifying recreation of teenage schoolyard mores, there are a daily plethora of examples that show (yet again) women making it easy for the men. They get the gains, we complain. Men get the benefits from taking care of each other in the oldest school tie fashion, we get left with the dregs. Men promote other men. Promote each other literally and promote each other's work. While women read both men and women, men generally read other men. Women read Nick Hornby but how many men have read Helen Fielding? And how many men slag off Hornby (clue: nearly none??), while how many women (yes, me too) have no qualms about denigrating the work of another woman? Why is it normal for comedy shows to have half a dozen men and one woman performer? Why is Smack The Pony* promoted as a women's comedy show and both British and US versions of Whose Line Is It Anyway not called a men's comedy show, despite the constant stream of men improvisers with little or no women amongst them?

Men look after men. Why don't women in power care for women? Could it be because in other women's failings we see our own and would rather ignore them? Most women have no problem disparaging men. The prevailing wisdom calls them feckless, childish, vain and useless at handling more than one task at a time. We love them for it, we smile condescendingly. But this is only the inverted "power" of the underdog. Claiming we know better, letting him think he's in charge while we really run things. Which might be fine (in an underhand and conspiratorial sort of way) if it were reality. Wake up ladies! He IS still in charge. He runs every government in the world, he owns over eighty percent of the planet's wealth and he decides what he does with it. It's not men's fault they hold the sway of power, they were born that way. But if, after forty years of second wave feminism we still want change, perhaps it's time we got on with taking it. South Africa didn't change because white South Africans suddenly had an overwhelming desire to grow up, it changed because black solidarity forced the issue. We know it's hard to be a woman who stands out. And yet when we do accomplish those gains for ourselves, we often adopt the attitude that if I did it, why can't she? Until we learn that the only true power is in unity, we're doomed to smash against glass ceilings forever.

It's easy to denigrate men. We're not them and mostly, we're not much like them. (Margaret Thatcher didn't behave like a man ­ she behaved like a person with power, it's just that the only models we have for handling power are male!) But we are like other women. And most of us are aware that it's easier to be one or two women working with many men. Easier to stand out as the only woman. Easier not to have your weaknesses compared to another woman's. And I'm bored with it. Bored with women saying they don't like, don't trust each other. Men don't always feel the need to bond on every level before they consider themselves friends -- where we require five drunken evenings, one snappy business lunch and three semi-pissed phone conversations -- a round of golf seems to do it for them. We complain that men don't like us but what about the possibility that we don't like ourselves?? We'll forgive Bill his philandering, but not Hillary for putting up with it. We think it's fine for Tony Blair to keep running the country, but wonder whether his wife Cherie's right in going back to work so early. The woman's a High Court judge!!! Surely her job is as important as his? After all, he can at least get the deputy Prime Minister to stand in -- we wouldn't notice any difference! And in a damning and obvious repetition of all we've been taught and taken in without thought, we forgive the sins of our fathers long before we forgive those of our mothers.

One of the problems is the requirement for the successful woman to become a star -- Everywoman. If and when Jerry Seinfeld appears in a new sitcom he will be judged as Jerry Seinfeld. Not as a representative of all men, all comedy men, or even all comedy men who happen to be Jewish. When Ellen Degeneres does the same, her work is judged as a woman, then as a lesbian, finally as a comedian. Helen Fielding, New Zealand's second(!) woman Prime Minister is not a politician, she's a woman politician. Anita Roddick, who created the Body Shop, is expected to speak for all businesswomen. By requiring every woman to succeed on behalf of all women, we make that achievement impossible. Which of us can possibly please all of us?

Men help other men to success, probably without even noticing it. When a woman suggests another woman for work, isn't there always the worry that maybe she'll take the job from you? After all, from political commentaries to comedy quizzes to sports round-ups ­- they are regularly staffed with all­male panels, it's not a groundless fear to think that one woman touting another woman as clever and interesting and funny will do herself out of a job. Men seem to know that getting on well enough works. Why do we expect so much from ourselves and get so hurt when we don't get it?

How about using each others' good fortune as a guide, rather than a barb to snare ourselves on? How about helping each other in the way men do ­ not because of the old school tie, rarely as part of a male global conspiracy ­ just because they can, because why not? How about clearing the career path of another woman even if she isn't (very) likely to flirt with you, praise you, make you feel special, in the same way a man might? In short, how about building on our strengths instead of ignoring them entirely ­ and then complaining when the boys do exactly the same?

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