Flogging Bridget Jones: Worth A Laugh? A Smile? A Rotten Tomato? It Depends....

....it depends primarily on if you are America and have the hots for Colin Firth and don't give a damn if anything else in the movie is remotely true to life (that would be Katy).... or you are a Brit and think Colin Firth is a wet fish and believe the movie could have been improved with a lot more breast shots (that would be Stella).

As for the rest of you: see it, flog it.... and post your opinions on our Message Board!

By Stella Duffy

I watched the movie of Bridget Jones with my mother (79, nearly 80) and my girlfriend (41, nearly 26). We had a choice of Chocolat or BJ. We let Mum choose. She chose BJ. Oh well. Anyway, there we were. Fruit pastels for Mum, popcorn for girlfriend, fizzy water for me. (Dedication to bodily health, or what?) And they both laughed. Giggled. Occasionally they even whooped with laughter, these most important women in my life.

I, however, did not. But then, the Bridget Jones of the movie is a classic character of farce. And I hate farce. Can't be doing with it. I loathe all that pathetic "I-can't-cope" bollocks which has made Woody Allen's career. (And most of Hugh Grant's actually.) For God's sake, grow up, pull yourself together, and get on with it. So no, I didn't whoop. But I did do something that really surprised me. I smiled. And nodded. And -- crucially -- I sympathised.

I don't know how she did it, but Renee Zellweger injected something fantastic into the Bridget Jones I have long seen as a sad indication of the post-feminist age, the woman (a la Allie McBeal & Sex in the City Carrie) who is body/man/self-obsessed, though sadly never self-reflective enough to do anything sane about her personal crises. (Like, get therapy you mad bitches!) The movie Bridget Jones seems somehow much more human. And flawed but not stupid. And foolish but not irredeemably so. RZ made her normal. And bloody hell, she also made her funny. A Hollywood screen actress with a sense of humour -- give that woman a Lifetime Achievement Award at once.

And there's more good to come -- yes, we had to put up with Colin Firth, but we did get Hugh Grant. (Look, I'm sure Firth is a lovely guy, everyone says so, but a sex symbol he is NOT. Good in breeches, but sex appeal? Only if you like your fish wet. And no, that's not lesbian slang for something more interesting. Not in this context anyway.) So ok, Colin Firth was there, big & brooding & very, very good at looking gormless in a reindeer jumper, but Hugh Grant was a revelation. He was funny! And very good at being a bastard. Which is infinitely preferable to Hugh Grant being the hopeless fop we usually get landed with in Richard Curtis 'comedies'. Bastard and cute AND sodomy -- marvellous.

And Sally Phillips too. (The 'saying-fuck' friend -- oh for the day Hollywood lets us have a 'saying cunt' friend!! Go on, dare you!) Phillips is definitely one of the funnier actors working in Britain right now, sadly underused in this film -- or this edit perhaps -- but great to see her there anyway. Of course she did come coupled with crap gay character. STOP IT girl writers! Stop putting the obligatory gay bloke in every bloody buddy scene. Gay boys have better things to do than hang around with whining straight girls. They have Kylie and clubbing and drugs for God's sake! They have OTHER GAY MEN FRIENDS!!!!!!!!! Anyway -- oh yeah, and Jim Broadbent (Dad) and Patrick Barlow (mother usurper). Note these names, America. (Also Shirley Henderson -- the other BJ girlfriend -- doing weird voice admittedly but usually she sounds normal.) These actors -- NOT Liz Hurley & Tracy Ullman -- these are the actors we're proud of. And we got lucky to see them on the big screen.

1. It doesn't snow in London. Not really. Not for about fifteen years. Not like that. Not pretty. False advertising there I think. Dickens is long dead. We have BSE and foot & mouth, we really don' have pretty snow. Not in London. What we have instead are Black & Asian & Indian people in London. Many. But hell. we don't expect that sort of truth from Curtis films either.
2. All the reviewers here who said RZ's accent was posher than they expected should check out their local publishing house. Those girls are well posh. They have to be well posh. They get paid rotten money and need to have family money to support them while they sell us & our books. RZ's accent was spot on. Scary.
3. RZ as BJ is NOT fat. Of course her arse filled the screen. Anyone's arse fills the screen when it sits on the camera. Calista Flockhart's arse would fill the screen if she sat on the camera. Look at the woman (Renee). She looks real. And pretty. Yes her face is puffy. (Character-wise that's alcohol sweetie, not lard!) But her legs are shapely, she has a waist -- and those boobs! My God, amazing! Real, proper, sexy breasts on film for the first time since Marilyn last lisped her sibilant way across the screen. How incredibly exciting is that?

So all in all, I reckon it's ok. More than that, it's pretty damn good actually. Mostly it's a fairy tale, but then it IS a movie. There's almost-real in places, and quite funny in others. But - and this probably works better if you find Colin Firth even remotely sexy - Bridget Jones, unlike every other Hollywood movie since some time in 1963 DOESN'T need to be a stick insect to get her man. Hurrah! She didn't have to get thin to win the 'good' guy.

Personally, I think it's a shame she didn't end up with Cleaver (Hugh Grant's baddie), but then I also think it's a shame Scarlett doesn't end up with Rhett, and it really disappoints me when Mr Rochester becomes a sap once he's blind. (Hope I've not given the plot away there!) Heathcliff is always going to be juicier than Linton. As far as I'm concerned bastards as SO much more attractive than the good guys -- always have been. (So fortunate I'm a dyke, really!) All we have to do now is wait for the next breakthrough -- female character who is a bitch. And gets away with it. And is sexy because of it. And doesn't get her comeuppance/knife in the back/axe in the head at the end.

Bad girl beyond redemption. Yeah, right. That's so coming any day now. Oh well, maybe our grand-daughters will have some juicy anti-heroines to look up to! (And then our grandsons will really get something fine to fancy!)

Here's a (Well-Manicured) Thumbs-Up for Bridget Jones

By Katy Munger

I confess that I laughed my ass off at Bridget Jones's Diary. I further suspect that my spilled popcorn had to be scraped from my seat at night's end, thanks to my love of Colin Firth close-ups. If you get what I mean: Ladies, bring panty liners.

That said, let's take a look at some of the surface arguments circulating about the film, mostly by people who haven't seen it yet, of course.

1. Rene Z. does indeed look plump. Who cares if she was actually only a size 10? The camera made her into a solid size 14. I mean, the girl had to struggle into her girdles and skirts.... and little rolls of fat peeped over her waistband when she was done. That's enough cinema verit‚ for me.
2. The girl indulges in a copious amount of drinking, sex and/or flirting in nearly every scene. As a Tart, who am I to argue with such an approach?
3. The men in the movie are damn fine-looking.... and isn't that the point of escapist entertainment? Show me the booty.

Beyond that, I just don't buy the argument that the movie is somehow demeaning to women. Bridget is dealing with a biological imperative here... and so are you and me, every day of our damn lives. I don't know about you, but I'm a woman and I want to get laid. Preferably well. And a little romance with it couldn't hurt. That's what this whole movie is about: we can pursue our urgings with humor and gusto, or we can try and change ourselves into something we are not. Bridget is no dummy. She knows the boss she fancies is a cad, she relies on her friends for true support, and she clings to her self-respect even when it is threatened by her heightened sense of self-awareness. Good for her, I say, and good for her for acknowledging that life is better when you have someone in your heart and bed to share it with.

Besides, who's kidding who? Even the most independent among us DO worry about getting a decent job and getting laid -- two goals that pretty much nearly always involve locating decent men as part of the plan. I don't see Bridget pretending to be anyone but who she is as part of her search, and that's quite admirable. Plus, I've never thought wearing skirts that barely cover your cooter or dresses that make your boobs pop out to be incompatible with being a feminist. In fact, it confuses the hell out of the enemy and I certainly have to applaud that.

Also, let's not forget that a movie is a movie. It's a brief look at a slice of life. Thank god this movie didn't try to go into deeper aspects of Bridget's life. Somehow, I don't think her spiritual development would have been as interesting as seeing her roll around on the floor with Hugh Grant.

Finally, and most important of all: people completely misunderstand happy endings that feature a a man showing up to bring the woman happiness. These books and movies are not - at all - indications that women can only find true happiness with a man. They are not putting forth men as perfect creatures and the answer to the meaning of our lives. Au contraire: these stories are popular because they are metaphors for what every woman understands about life - it takes an absolute miracle to find a decent man these days. They're the modern equivalent of a fairy tale with the troll, the ogre and the prince all rolled up into one.

Really, it is pathetic how confusion and selfishness and couch potato-ism and plastic surgery have reduced so many men to lazy morons who grow sloppy and fat while whining about the lack of Barbie dolls to date. Movies that depict the "perfect" man showing up at the end understand that it IS a miracle for a decent, unselfish man to pop up and love you for both your body and soul. Those of us that enjoy such endings are not dreaming our lives would be perfect if some man shows up to save us... we're dreaming that we can beat the odds ourselves one day and find a decent human being among the toads.

So, go. Enjoy the movie. Laugh about the absurdity of it all, especially the scene involving the fire station pole and sheer black hose. It had me peeing in my pants I laughed so hard..... just be sure to write and thank the producers for having the good sense to cast the absolutely smoldering Colin Firth as the white knight in shining armor. Because that's what I call great film making.